Living Proof
by pinksocks
Summary: When Gwen leaves Rhys, all hell breaks loose.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N- And here it is. I've been working on this for what seems like forever, but I've finally finished this part. If this is liked I've got another part which is half written, and I will finish it off if its requested. Enjoy and please review!_

I slip on my coat and my scarf, making for the cog wheel door. Before I can get there, I here Jack calling my name.

"Gwen! Where do you think your going! I haven't received the file on the latest weevil attacks yet, and you promised you would do them today." He says with raised eyebrows. I sigh in exasperation.

"If you cared to look in you're in tray, then you'd realize it's been in there for the last half an hour." I say, my tone icy.

"Wait there. Don't move."

He walks into his office, and searches his in tray. I tap my foot impatiently. Come on Jack, It's late and Rhys will be wondering where I am… After what seems like a lifetime, he turns back to me, looking guilty. I take this as my que to leave, and run towards the exit before anyone can stop me. I learnt early on that this was essential if you ever wanted to leave before midnight when working for Torchwood, and at the minute I'm dead on my feet and Rhys will be waiting. I nearly knock Ianto over coming the other way, but I scoot around him, shouting goodbyes over my shoulder as I run towards the exit.

Not a moment too soon, I feel the cold winter air hit my face as I fall into the street outside. Composing myself, I make my way towards my car, making a mental note to take it in for its MOT- its due. I count my lucky stars as the engine starts first time; recently it's been playing up.

As I weave my way through the streets of Cardiff, my mind wonders to Owen. Whatever we had had in the past was long gone- whenever I look at him now I feel nothing, whereas a few months ago I was full of lust at the mere glance of him. In a way this is good. I can't go on having second thoughts when my marriage is round the corner. I'm still deep in thought when I turn into my street. I struggle into a tiny parking space- I'm never any good at parking. I trudge up the stairs of my block of flats, pulling out my keys as I go. I kick open the door and call out to Rhys. After no reply, I skip into the lounge and find Rhys sitting with a stony expression on his face, surrounded by sheets of paper.

"Hey love, sorry I'm late. What's all this?" I say in a cheery voice until I stare at the papers. Realization hits me like a ton of bricks and I feel sick. Oh no. Not now.

They're pictures of me and Owen- some of them of us kissing, some of us in Owen's flat, and one of me entering his block at ten at night. I look at them all in horror.

"I knew something was going on. You'd come home smelling of aftershave which I've never brought in my life." I stare at him. His voice is shaking with controlled anger- his eyes show pure rage too.

"I thought she's a decent girl, she'll tell me when she's good and ready. But you never have, have you? It carried on for months, the lies. I'd lie in bed, waiting for you, wondering who it was. Did you get bored of me? Am I not exciting enough? After you didn't come home at all one night, I thought enough is enough, and phoned this agency in town. I had you followed, Gwen. I said I needed evidence when they told me, so they took dozens of photos. I couldn't believe it when I saw them. My Gwen, cheating on me. It's eaten away at me for all this time. I couldn't face you, not for months. But now, with our wedding round the corner, I knew it was now or never." Oh no. This isn't happening. "I can't marry you Gwen. It hurts too much. Especially after this." He hands me a letter. Oh God.

"You had an abortion, Gwen? You didn't even tell me you were pregnant. Was it mine, or his?" He stares at me with eyes the size of dinner plates. How can this be happening? My whole life is crashing around my ears. I just look at him wordlessly. I know my eyes are telling him the truth anyway, so what's the point in lowering his thoughts of me even further? It's not like it can get any worse. He nods, sadness mingling with the hatred in his eyes.

"I thought as much. Was it a drunken stupor? Or did the heat of the moment take over completely and you didn't have time for protection?" His voice is low and threatening, sending shivers down my spine.

My eyes well up at his comments. He really hates me. I know his thoughts on abortion, and that's why I couldn't tell him. I might have been able to pass it off as his baby, but I knew that he would have moved heaven and earth to stop me from having an abortion. I just couldn't go through with it. How am I supposed to look after a baby with my job? Can you imagine it? 'Oh sorry jack, I can't come and save the world from destruction today, I can't get a babysitter.' That wouldn'twash.

I let the tears in my eyes fall. The inevitable was just around the corner, and we both know it. One of us would have to leave. I force myself to look Rhys in the eye. His eyes are telling me to leave, so I gather the scrap of dignity I have left and stand up to pack. I make my slow way towards our bedroom, and open the wardrobe to collect my clothes. There not there. I turn around, and find a ready packed suitcase on the bed. He knew all along it was Owens. He wasn't even going to hear me out. I grab the handle and tug it off the bed. I don't bother saying goodbye to Rhys. This relationship was over long ago.

I drag my heavy suitcase along the road, looking for somewhere to stay. The unstoppable tears blur my vision, making it near impossible to see where I'm going. I wonder aimlessly, my feet instinctively taking me. I sense a shadow behind me. I spin around, turning to see who it is. Before I can see who it is or speak, the mysterious person clamps a piece of cloth soaked in chemicals over my mouth and nose. I try to kick, bite, scream, anything to alert people or to throw them off. I reach for my gun, but before I can make it, the darkness consumes me.

…………

_My nerves are on fire, every ounce of my being trying to throw him off. This isn__'__t happening. It can__'__t be. Not to me. You here about this on the news, you don__'__t expect it to happen to you. But the anguish is so real, tearing me apart. I__'__m screaming at the top of my lungs, but he__'__s gagged me. Not a sound can escape. I try to thrash about wildly, attempting to stop him this way. The only problem is I__'__m tied down. Not a thing I do will stop him. I catch a glance of him, but not enough to get a clear picture._

_It doesn__'__t seem real, like I__'__m not connected to my own body, just an observer. The agony of him entering me brings me harshly back down. Oh My God. This is really happening. _

_I__'__m crying, screaming, thrashing, but it makes no difference. He just ignores me, pretending that I__'__m not dying inside. The pains unbearable, but there__'__s nothing I can do. My soul is breaking into a million tiny pieces. _

_Just when I think it can__'__t get any worse, he starts hitting me in time to his movement, each slap punctuating the increasing pain. My skin stings, like a thousand needles puncturing my body at once. Even the vast emptiness that Jack describes as Death seems preferable to this. I didn__'__t even know this level of pain was possible. _

_The horrendous moments blur together, until I can no longer tell which way is up. As the pain reaches new intensities, I fall into the blackness once again._

…………_._

_Think Gwen, think. You__'__ve got to get out of this. It__'__s only going to get worse if you stay here… Hang on. This feels different. Ok, where the __hell_ am I. Don't panic, whatever you do not panic. It will only make things worse. Radical thinking. Think back to Torchwood training. First Step, environmental analysis. Cold floor, hard and uncomfortable. The Hub? No, can't be, unless he knows about Torchwood, which is highly unlikely. It feels like pavement. Anything else? Err… Its bloody freezing. So I'm definitely outside. So that narrows it down. But where outside?

Second Step, Visual Surroundings. Ok, its night. Big surprise, since I left the hub at night. Oh great, now I'm going to have to sit up. Owwwwww! This bloody kills. No surprise there. Right, so I'm in the middle of town, by the look of all the shops. Bloody fantastic.

Third step, Communications. Oh soding hell. Comm.'s gone, Jacks going to kill me, just to add to my problems. But, hurrah, at least I've still got my phone. Best thing I ever brought, this bra. Mad idea to put pockets in a bra, but there we go, it's my life easier. I do look a bit weird when I have to dive into my chest to look for a ringing phone, but you can't have everything. Right, who to phone. Contacts…Mum, dad, Rhys… Sod rational thinking. I let the fear take over me, and collapse into a shaking heap in the middle of town. Tears I'd been just about managing to hold back rolled freely down my cheeks as the full force of my predicament hits me. What had I done to deserve this? What else could life throw at me? My fiancée's left me, I haven't got a home, and I've just been… What else could possibly happen?

A vibration against my hand pulls me out of my thoughts. I focus on the screen, and see its Jack. I hit the answer key and raise my arm to my ear with difficulty.

"Hello?" My voice cracks.

"Gwen? What's wrong?" His voice is lased with anxiety.

"Jack, can you come and pick me up? I don't want to talk about this over the phone." The emotions wracking my body are fully clear in my voice, and I think Jack gets the picture.

"Don't worry Gwen; I'm on my way now. Where are you?" His soothing tones just make me feel worse. I hear keys jangling in the background.

"Err, in town somewhere. Don't know exactly. I'm surrounded by shops." I say between sobs.

"It's Okay; I can trace your mobile from the SUV. Stay where you are, I'm coming to get you. Everything with be alright, I promise. We'll look after you." With the roaring of the SUV engine in the background, he was gone, leaving nothing but an overwhelming feeling of emptiness behind him.

After a few minutes, flashing blue lights light up the scene and Jack jumps out of the SUV. In a moment I'm wrapped in his arms, sobbing into his great military coat. He just rocks me gently, a pillar of strength. Between sobs I breathe in the scent of whatever Cologne he has on, Ianto's coffee and something I can't quite place in my frenzy. It's so familiar. With everything in my life being turned upside down, it's slightly comforting to know that some things will never change.

After what seems like forever, my tears subside slightly and Jack picks me up, bridal style. I don't complain because I don't think I can walk anyway, and settle for loosing myself in the pools of electric blue that are Jack's eyes. He just looks at me with a guarded face, but his eyes show much more than what his face could ever say. Worry mixed with big dollops of sympathy, anguish and fear.

He opens the door with his foot, and slides me into the passenger seat with ease. He then strides over to the others side and climbed into the divers seat. The engine roars into life at the turn of the key, and within moments were moving away from the scene of this colossal mess. Jack doesn't ask what's happened, for which I'm eternally grateful for. I can't think about it. At least not yet.

While were driving, Jack picks up his mobile of the dash board. I look at him suspiciously.

"Who are you phoning, Jack?" He glances at me before returning his eyes to the road.

"Owen." I nod and settle for staring out the window and listening to Jack on the phone.

"… Owen, it's me. I need you to come to the hub…. No, I don't need you to ring the others, there not needed... No, no ones died. … I need you to check Gwen over. … I don't know yet. …Ok. … Oh and Owen? I mean ASAP." With that last remark he shuts the phone with a snap. We sit in silence for the rest of the journey, and after a few minutes the Plass rolls into view. He didn't take me far, then.

We park in the hub garage and Jack comes round to carry me. He picks me up again because he can see from the look on my face that I can't walk. Jack puts me on the autopsy table, and I know I should feel the coldness. All I feel is numb.

Jack sits and waits for Owen with me. He holds my hand, silently conveying that he's there for me while I let the tears fall. After what seems like forever, Owen walks through the door with his usual swagger. He catches sight of me, stops dead in his tracks with shock and then runs over to my side. I know how bad I must look, but I didn't think it was that bad. Owen holds my other hand, and just looks at Jack with his mouth hanging open, silently asking what happened. Jack shook his head in response, and they both turn to look at me. It's time to spill.

"I went home after I left here, and found Rhys sitting at our table. He found out, Owen. About everything." I realize that Jack has no idea what I'm going on about, so I turn to explain.

"We had an affair… and weren't very careful. I had an abortion two months ago." My voice cracks again and both men grip my hands tighter. "He found the letter off the abortion place in my draw, too. He confronted me, and he decided I needed to leave. He'd already packed my suitcase." I stare at my hands, knowing my eyes are showing too much. "I was going through the streets, looking for somewhere to stay when this man grabbed me from behind. I think you can guess what happened then." More tears fall into my lap as both of them hold me tighter. We stay like that for ages, until Owen slips into doctor mode and releases me.

"I know this is the last thing you need at the minute, but if you were raped then I need to check you over." The regret in his eyes shows me that he really doesn't want to have to do this to me, but he knows he has to. I look at Jack, silently pleading. Not yet. He just looks at me with as much regret as Owen, and I know I have too. My eyes squeeze shut, I accept it and nod my head. Jack makes to get up, but I don't let him.

"Please don't go. Will you put a screen up, Owen?" He nods and Jack sits back down, reclaiming my hand again. I lie back and close my eyes, concentrating on anything but what Owen's doing. Jack keeps up a constant stream of meaningless babble to keep me distracted. Over an hour and five of Jacks ridiculous stories later, Owen finally finishes.

"All done, sweetheart. Just the general check to do now. You're doing amazingly well." I nod, relief running through me. The screen comes down, and Owen turns to face Jack.

"Go and get me a coffee, will you?" We all know the real reason, so Jack glances at me for permission and leaves when I nod. With Jack out of the way, Owen asks me the dreaded question.

"Do you know if he used anything, honey?" Owen asks in a soft voice. I shake my head.

"I thought as much. You'd best take this then." He hands me a paper cup with a white tablet in and a glass of water. "It's the morning after pill. Best to be safe than sorry." I swill it down, wincing at the after taste, just as Jack comes back with Owen's coffee. He shoves it on the side, and goes back to sitting next to me. Owen carries on with the staple checks, looking for broken bones and my pupil dilations. After he's done every test known to medical science, he lets me get off the table and gives me the verdict.

"Well, you'll live. You've got bruised ribs, a sprained ankle from when you fell, sluggish pupils and a hell of a lot of bruises and cuts. I've dressed them, but they'll need to be changed once a day to stop infection. I think a few weeks in bed dosed up with pain killers and you'll be fine." He smiles at me kindly and goes to get his coffee. I stifle a yawn and Jack is on my case in a flash.

"You need to sleep if you're ever going to get any better." I look at him, my eyes drooping.

"Fine, but where am I going to sleep? I've got nowhere to stay."

"Use my bed for now. I don't sleep much anyway, and if I'm tired later I'll sleep on the sofa." He just looks at me in a way which says 'Case Closed'.

"Are you sure?" He nods his head, and picks me up again. He carries me up into his office and down the hatch into what he calls his 'bedroom'. To me it looks more like a bunker. He puts me down on the double bed and goes to leave, but I grab his hand.

"Stay. I don't want to be alone." The tears fall at the thought, and Jack goes and sits at the end of the bed. He gets himself comfy, and starts reassuring me in a soft voice.

"Ok. I'll stay here until you wake up. No one can hurt you while I'm here, I promise." With this reassurance in mind, I rest against the pillows and attempt to rid myself of the images long enough to sleep.

………

_His dirty hands roam my body, looking for zips and buttons. His breath hisses down my ear, sending shivers of repulsion running through me. I try to fight him off, but he__'__s too strong. He__'__s breathing down my neck, determined to get what he wants. He stinks of beer and stale chips, and his breath smells like he hasn__'__t cleaned his teeth in weeks. Nausea fills me up like a drink, and it__'__s all I can do to not throw up. Something cold slips round each wrist, and I realize he__'__s handcuffed me. _

"_Don'__t even try to struggle, or I may be forced to damage your pretty little head.__"__ His words send an electric shock through me, and I__'__m momentarily paralyzed. The shock soon fades though and is replaced by sheer fear. The sickness builds up again, rising up inside me like the water level of a flooding river. _

………

Screams wrack my body along with the nausea, and I can't hold it in anymore. I wretch and heave into the bin which Jack shoves in front of me. He rubs small circles onto my back and makes shushing sounds. After the wrenching stops I collapse back against him. He holds me tight and I realise I'm shaking uncontrollably. The last images of him play through my mind, tormenting me. I only saw a glimpse of him, but it was more than enough.

"Why me?" My voice shakes. "Why did he choose me? What have I done so wrong?"

"Nothing. I promise you, there's nothing you've done. This wasn't your fault."

"Then why did it happen?" I ask.

"… You were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. It's his twisted mind that caused this, not you. Don't ever blame yourself for this. It's just one of those things." He kisses the top of my head, and we lean back against the pillows, my head on his chest.

"Do you want me to stay here, or move?" I'm still wrapped in his arms, and I feel safer than I have done all night.

"Stay here. I can't face being alone." He nods his head and stays put. I can hear his heartbeat through his shirt, and the steady rhythm lulls me to into an almost restful sleep.

……….

The next morning, I wake up alone. Panic strikes through me, and I desperately try to control my breathing. _Its ok, he's probably just gone to the toilet or something. _I think. _Jack wouldn't just leave you without a note or an explanation. _I try to get up and look for him, but my ankles still damaged and won't take my weight, so I settle for lying back down again and thinking about anything but the night before.

After a ten minute wait, Jack comes through the hatch with a breakfast tray, complete with a rose and croissants. He's obviously well practiced at carrying breakfast trays down here, he doesn't spill a drop of the orange juice and none of the plates even wobble. I wonder how many other people have slept in this bed. He turns around to the bed and faces me.

"Oh, you're awake. Your breakfast is served, Mi Lady." Jack puts on a superior air along with a posh voice, and I find myself playing along.

"Why thank you, Larry. Are the eggs poached?"

"I do believe so." He drops the posh voice and puts the tray on my lap. "Who's Larry?"

"Typical butler name. It was either Larry or Geoffrey, and I think Larry suits you better." He chuckles softly and I pick at the eggs. I still don't feel like eating, but Jacks made an effort and it would be rude to not try. The eggs feel like slime in my throat, but I manage to force down a few mouthfuls. Jack notices the look of repulsion on my face.

"Don't eat it if you don't want to. I just thought you might be hungry after last night." He looks at me kindly, and I realise he knows exactly what it feel like. "I know it seems like you will never get over this now, but eventually the memory does fade, and you return to normality. Food tastes right again, you no longer feel as worthless as something on the bottom of you're shoe, and the physical marks fade. It all happens sooner rather than later as long as you have people around you who love you." There is real understanding in his eyes, and I know that his words are true. He's living proof.

_A/N- Go on then, what did you think? Is it finished off or should I finish the next part?_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N- Here it is, as promised. Sorry it's not finished, but ya know- coursework, homework and other general crap that goes on in my life that stops me from writing. I'm on the way though, so bear with me. Here it is..._

_Three Months Later_

I look around me, checking no ones near by. Oh thank goodness, there all gone. Ok… internet. Google… 'Abortion clinics in Wales'… Ah, the Conway Clinic. I thought that was a fertility clinic? It probably changed after we got involved… Bookings… Three weeks?! It's a good job I went on now and not later… Right, booking form… Name: Gwen Elisabeth Cooper… Weeks of pregnancy: twelve…

"What are you doing Gwen?" Oh fuck! I turn round guiltily, to find Jack standing right behind me with a frown on his face. The frown is replaced by a look of stunned realisation as he scans my monitor.

"What?! I thought that Owen…" He just looks at me with his mouth wide open, silently asking for an explanation.

"He did. I took the morning after pill, but then I was sick so it didn't work." I look at my lap, ashamed. I was just starting to feel like myself again, and now this happens. Jack kneels down and lifts my chin, forcing me to look at him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" the accusation is gone from his voice, and is replaced by disappointment.

"I was too embarrassed. I was just getting my life back on track when this happens. I don't want to think about it, I just want it to go away. I was doing so well. Abortion is the only option, Jack."

"There's always more than one option Gwen, always." He wipes the silent tears rolling down my cheeks away with his thumbs. "What makes you think this is the only one?"

"It's this." I gesture around me. "You can't have children when you work for Torchwood. What would happen if I couldn't get a babysitter one day and you needed me? I couldn't bring it here; imagine the trouble it would get in. What if it wondered down to the vaults and met one of the weevils? I dread to think what they would do to it. How would I cope? It's unfair to get you lot to help out; it wouldn't be your child and therefore not your responsibility. It's just not possible. Don't think I haven't thought this through, because I have. I've analysed every aspect. There's no other way. I've got to have an abortion." Jack just looks at me with eyes full of emotion.

"No you don't Gwen. What about adoption? You could have the baby and then give it up for adoption. You wouldn't even have to look after it, but you would be saving a life." I look at him and shake my head.

"There is no way that I would be able to carry a baby for nine months and then give it up. Think of the emotional impact. I'm already messed up in that department, think what would happen if you throw a baby into the mix!" I look at him, trying to show him with my eyes what this would do to me if I did decide to have this baby. Jack nods his head, a resigned look in his eyes. He knows how stubborn I can be, when I've made a decision there's no changing my mind. I proved that to him when he tried to get me to report whoever it was to the police.

He gets up off his knees, and I go back to booking into the clinic. Address: Flat 1a, Waterbury Block, Rye, Cardiff, A41 612. Telephone: 555 9678. Confirm booking… done. That was easier than I thought it would be.

I've come a long way in the past three months. Ianto and Tosh found out after around a week when I decided enough was enough and told them. Both of

them already knew before then. I think Owen might have had something to do with it.

My first time out of the hub was a shopping trip with Tosh, armed with one of Jack's many credit cards without a limit. We were under strict instructions to buy everything I needed for my flat, including a whole new wardrobe. Jack even went as far as saying that if we dared come back without everything he would lock us in Janet's cage with her for an hour. So, after seven cups of Starbuck's coffee and so much money I lost count, we returned to the hub with arms full of clothes and a fist full of order forms for the things we couldn't carry. After inspecting our shopping and order forms, Jack decided that we had in fact ordered the whole of Argos, and brought the whole stock of Top Shop, New look and River Island combined.

After that first trip out, I haven't left the hub except for going home at night. Even though I did enjoy it, every man I saw had his face, and by the end I was verging on a nervous breakdown. Tosh was brilliant though, and every time she saw it was getting a bit too much we slopped off to Starbucks to natter about shoes and handbags. Which is why we were both as high as kites off tonnes of caffeine by the end of it.

I shout to Jack, who comes thundering down the stairs. He walks me home every night since the incident. At first he was forced to because I wouldn't go home otherwise, but now I'm considering going out on my own. I stayed at the hub for just under a month in Jack's room, but then I decided to look for a flat of my own. When Ianto found me my flat, everyone took it in turns to stay the night with me, which was nice of them. Today is my first night alone. I'm determined to do it, because if I don't he's won, and I couldn't let him. Jack said that he's only a phone call away if I need him, so that's reassuring. I've got an alien burglar alarm that's the best in the galaxy (Courtesy of Jack, of course) and a box set of Friends off Tosh encase I can't sleep.

Jack grabs his great military coat off the rack as he passes, and joins me at the door. We link arms and make out way into the night. An uncomfortable silence settles around us, and I can imagine how disappointed Jack is with me.

"You don't have to go through with it, Gwen. There's still time." I can hear the hurt in his voice, but stick to my guns.

"Jack, I couldn't physically keep this baby. I was on track until I found out, but then I felt everything spiralling out of control yet _again_. It took me till this morning to make up my mind, and I'm not changing it for anybody. I wouldn't be able to look after it. I'm still messed up myself, so how would I be able to look after a baby as well as myself? Have you seen how much looking after a baby takes? Imagine me trying to do that?!" I look at him in exasperation.

"But you could have it adopted. That way you would never even have to _see_ the baby again if you didn't want to, but it would still be alive. It's not its fault how it was conceived!" He looks at me with shining eyes. I find I can't meet them, and stare at the pavement. We stay silent for the remainder of the journey, and relief washes over me when I see my block. The five minute trip has never seemed longer. He walks with me to my door, and I finally get the courage to look him in the eye.

"Ok, I give in. I'll think about it, but for the time being I'm still having an abortion." He breathes a huge sigh of relief and hugs me.

"Thank you. That's all I ask. I'll pick you up tomorrow, okay? If you need me tonight I'm only at the hub, so I can be over in a flash." He lets go, and I look around in my bag for my keys. After a few minutes of ferreting I find them, and open my door. I wave goodbye and shut the door, walking into the living room. Ok, what now. Pyjamas. I can't relax without being comfortable. Tosh was right, pink pyjamas, fluffy dressing gowns and bed socks are a must for every woman. Now what. Its way too early to go to bed yet, so I think some Friends is in order. Where did I put the box set? By the front door, I think. There it is. Wow, all of the final series, I'm impressed Tosh. This is seriously expensive. Right, how do you work the DVD player? I think that's the on button. Eject… loading… There we go. Time for some hot chocolate. Nothing can beat a bit of hot chocolate. Mmmmmm, chocolaty goodness. When was the last time I had hot chocolate? Oh yeah, when Tosh came over the other week… Damn, I was doing so well. I wish she was here now.

……………

The door bell rings, and I slouch along the hallway to answer it. Only Jack would come at this time in the morning, so I don't bother to look and see who it is. He's standing on the doorstep with a mug full of steaming coffee. I take it gratefully, and he chuckles when I sigh contently.

"Nothing can beat Ianto's coffee in the morning." I nod in agreement.

"So, how did it go last night? You didn't call me, so I assume it was alright." Jack's carefree voice sounds real, but I can tell he was worried.

"I was fine. It was weird, but these things take time. I wasn't expecting anything else." I shrug offhand, hoping it will cover up the blatant lie. I never have been good at lying. Jack looks at me out of the corner of his eye, and I can almost see the thoughts running through his head. 'She's lying, but what do I do about it? Play along?' Yes! My eyes plead, and Jack humours me.

"You're doing really well, Gwen. I'm proud of you." He gives me a warm smile and we walk towards the SUV. Just as Jack is about to turn the key in the ignition, his phone bleeps.

"What's up? WHAT?! You're joking? Right, I'm on my way with Gwen." He hangs up, turns the key and within seconds we are hurtling down the road at ninety miles per hour.

"The Hub had a power cut, and six of the weevils escaped. We've got to go round them up again. Do you feel up to it?" he glances at me with a look of urgency on his face. I haven't _really_ got a choice in the matter.

"Yeah. I'll be fine. Just hurry up before half of Cardiff gets eaten. Then the A and E department will hate us more than they do now." He graces me with a half smile and puts his foot down. Within mere minutes were at the location. The scene that meets us makes my gut freeze in terror.

Around a hundred people are all running and screaming, trying desperately to escape the brutal monsters that are surrounding them. Half a dozen corpses litter the floor and half a dozen weevils are feasting on human flesh. I grip the cool metal cylinder that holds the Weevil Spray in my clammy hands, and after summering up my courage, I dive head first into battle. The closest one is down in moments, clutching at its eyes attempting to rid them of the spray. I pull one of the reinforced canvas bags over its head, stun it and leave it for one of us to pick up later. I follow the same pattern methodically until I reach a troublesome one. I spray him with a double dosage, but he just looks at me with 'bite me' written all over his face. My eyebrows knit together and I try a new tactic. Ok, this is not going to plan. Brute force doesn't seem to work either. What now?

As I am considering my next move, another one grabs me from behind. 'Don't you dare!' I'm thinking, 'Not again!!!' I lash out in the only way possible, with my fists and teeth colliding with every square inch of the beast that I can reach. He lets out a low wail of pain when my nail digs into his eye (Thank you Tosh- I knew there was a good reason to get extensions a few weeks ago!) and drops me unceremoniously.

I feel the razor sharpness of something being stabbed into my side. I look down in horror and find the weevil's claw stuck into my stomach, twisting and rotating as the owner tries to free itself. Everything starts to spin as I look around to see where Jack is, and before I can control it the scene slips out of focus.

………

"Can you hear me Gwen? I need you to stay here. Talk to me Gwen, say something!!!!" The familiar cockney accent of Owens fills my ears, and I start to panic. He sounds far away. What's going on?

"What's wrong? What happened?" My voice is groggy and sounds strange, even to my ears.

"There was an accident. Now I need you to stay still and tell me a story, any story." He sounds desperate, and I know it's important.

"There was this time when I was little. Mum and I went into town to go food shopping. On the way I saw this shoe shop with the cutest little pink wellies in the window, just my size. I pleaded and begged for her to buy them, but they were really expensive. All the way around the supermarket I wouldn't shut up about these wellies and in the end Mum got so sick of me moaning that she gave in and on the way home she brought them for me. I wore them solidly for around three months, even when it was boiling hot. I remember crying my eyes out when Mum threw them in the bin. I was so sad that she went back to the shop and got me another pair because she was sick of me moping. I did have the second pair until I left Rhys. He probably threw them away." The emotions come flooding back again, but I force myself to bury them deep inside me. Come on Gwen, you're stronger than this.

"Right that's it, everyone bugger off and leave me to it. She's stable, but being crowded around won't help." Grumbles and footsteps echo round the med bay while everyone slopes off. I breathe a sigh of relief, but then Owen turns serious on me.

"Tosh and I had a very interesting conversation earlier. Is there something you'd like to tell me?" Owens eyebrows shoot up when I look at him with shock evidently written all over my face. How the bloody hell did Tosh know? Oh. She's Tosh, computer geek and genius. It would take about thirty seconds for her to hack my computer and see what websites I'd been on.

"Okay, game over. I'm pregnant. Twelve weeks gone." I say with a sigh.

"Twelve weeks, but…"

"Yeah, I know. It didn't work because I was sick afterwards." I sigh and look at the ceiling.

"You do realise that you may have lost the baby today. I saw blood earlier." Owen says with regret in his eyes.

"What?" I look down, and he's right.

"Do you want me to do a scan to check?"

"There's no use in going for an abortion and I've already miscarried, is there?" I say, trying to sound off-hand. Owen nods and goes to collect the ultrasound. He spreads ice cold jelly all over my stomach, and starts moving the head to get a clear picture. The grainy image of a tiny baby appears on the screen and my heart stops for a moment. It's so perfect. The mouth, nose and eyes are all visible, with the tiny arms and legs waving frantically. How could I ever kill something as perfect as that? It's so tiny, completely dependant on me to keep it save and alive.

"Okay Gwen?" Owen looks at me with a look in his eyes that I can't quite place.

"I can't do it Owen. Just look at it- so helpless and tiny. But what do I do now? I can't keep it, not with my job. What do I do? Help me. Tell me what to do!" I say, the never ending tears starting up yet again. Why did this happen to me? Owen comes down to my level and looks me in the eyes.

"Keep it Gwen. Then give it up for adoption." I nod, and collapse into his chest.

……

_Jack, _

_I'm writing this to you because I know that I will never be able to say it to your face. _

_I've decided to keep the baby and give it up for adoption, like you said. The second I saw it on the monitor, I knew that I could never kill something as perfect as that. It's so defenceless, and its not the baby fault it was conceived in the way that it was. So I've cancelled the abortion, and now its just a waiting game. But now I don't know what to do. What happens when the baby's born? If I look after it then I would never be able to give it up. Ever. Which is why I need you to promise me that you won't let me hold it, not even for a moment. I'm sorry to make you do so much Jack, but this is the only way that I could ever do this. Please help me. _

_I'll try and arrange the adoption before the baby's born, which will give me six months. However, you know how long adoptions take to go through so it may take longer than that. At least that's six months off the usual time. _

_But I have no idea what to do with the baby in that time period. Have you got any ideas? _

_All my Love,_

_Gwen xxx _

……

_Gwen,_

_I'm so glad you've changed your mind. And as for the childcare problem- I'll look after it, for as long as it takes. If you ever need me, you know where I am. I'm so proud of you. Thank you for coming to me for help, and you know that I'll always be here (literally)._

_~Jack xxx_

…

And so the months pass and my bump grows. Jack has banned me from field work now, so I'm forced to do office work for the rest of the term. I didn't know that Torchwood generated so much paperwork. I can see why Ianto keeps the Archives in such pristine order, if he didn't then they would be overrun within a week.

Owen is possibly the worst person at completing paperwork I have ever seen. The things he does! His work is littered with spelling mistakes and I don't think he even knows the meaning of the word grammar. Double negatives, scientific jargon which is actually rubbish and doesn't mean anything (trust Owen) and his presentation- well, there isn't any. That's how bad it is.

It's strangely calming, like rearranging your high heels. I can see why Ianto likes it. But it can be boring. And very repetitive. And very annoying when _someone_ (mentioning no names) *OWEN!!!!* tries to help you and files everything in the wrong place!!!!!

The adoption is mostly arranged. Mostly being the key point. There's still loads to sort out, but we're getting there, slowly but surely. I've met the couple, and they seem like lovely people so I'm happy. They can give it a beeter home than me, anyway.

Oh, another stack of paperwork. At least my bump has one use- I can balance the papers on it. Who said pregnancy had no advantages? The stairs are getting harder every day- why do there have to be so many down to the archives? Oh, for crying out loud- there they go. Fantastic. How am I going to pick them up now? Oh…crap. That is not good. Either there's a leak or…

"OWEN!!!!!"

_A/N- Okay, so what do you think? Like the idea? I wanted it to be a bit more complicated than originally thought, and I wanted to test her character to the maximum. Review???_


	3. Chapter 3

A/N- Oh, I'm sooo sorry this has taken so long!!!! There's really no excuse. But I hope it is worth the wait!!! Please tell me what you think, if there is anyone still reading!

………

AGGGHHHHHHH!!!! My mum was right- I should have never had children. This is _the _most painful thing I have ever had to do. I swear, I'll bloody kill Owen Harper for persuading me to do this…

"JACK!! GET YOUR BUM OVER HERE!!!!"

"What? Are you okay?" If he asks that one more time…

"Not even going to answer that…Give me your hand. NOW!!!" How much longer…

"Gwen, you're going to break my thumb!" There's a crack, and Jack recoils.

I'm dimly aware of the nurse bustling in and examining me. Raised voices -no wait, panicking voices…

"Gwen, the babies got the umbilical cord wrapped around its neck. There doing an emergency caesarean section…" By this point Jack was running down the corridor with me. This is serious…

"Save my baby. God, Jack, tell them to save my baby…I DON'T CARE ABOUT ME, SAVE MY BABY!!!!"

"That's what there doing, sweetheart. Now calm down. It's just going to endanger it's life even more."

"I'm sorry sir, but you've got to wait outside…

"But-"

"Let him stay!" There wasting time!…

"Fine. Now move!!!" There was a prick on the back of my hand, and I was told to count down from ten.

Ten…

Nine…

Eight…

Sev…

……

Eh? What…?

"_Gwen, listen to me."_

What's going on?

"_Just stop arguing and listen. I need you to wake up."_

Why?

"_Just do it. Please, for me." _

But I'm comfy and warm. I don't want to wake up.

"_Gwen, please try. This is important." _

First tell me why and how you are in my head, Jack Harkness.

"_I'll tell you when you wake up. Now try. I know its hard, but it's imperative you do this."_

Fine. Bugger off for a minute and let me concentrate.

"_See you in a second…"_

Strange man. Anyway, onto important matters. Why are my eyes so heavy? Argh, this hurts. Why is everything blurry? Oh, that's Jack. Definitely Jack.

"Hey. Well done. You gave us a right scare then."

"How the hell did you get into my head? Some things are supposed to be private."

"I don't make a habit of it."

That didn't answer my question…

"How are you feeling?"

"Like death on a stick." Literally… But the whole in my heart hurts much worse than anything that happened earlier, I felt like adding. "What happened? One second we were in the delivery room, the next…"

"There was an emergency. They had to do a C-section. It was touch and go for a while…"

"Oh." I left the unanswered question hang in the air. Not for the first time, the captain knew exactly what I was thinking. He took my hand and asked the un-ask able question.

"Have you got any names? They need it for the birth certificate." Jack asked, sorrow in his eyes. A great whoosh of relief flew over me. It's survived!!! I feel like doing the conga.

"Boy or girl?" I couldn't go calling a boy Daisy could I?

"Boy. 7 pounds 10 ounces."

"Dilan Rees Cooper." I answer without hesitation. I was always going to call my child that, if I had a boy. _He's not yours for much longer _a little voice said in my head. I squashed it.

"Do you still want me to look after it? You still have time to back out. It happens all the time. The adoption agency won't care." Jack pleaded.

"You promised you wouldn't try to change my mind, Harkness. Yes, I'm still sure. Don't let me see him. The adoption will be complete in three months time, if you're still up for looking after him. What am I going to do for three months?" The realism of the situation was finally dawning on me. Before this, it had just been talk. But now there was an actual person involved. It was all reality.

"Take some time off, you deserve it. There's about four months of holiday time built up from over the past few years. Take it. Go somewhere hot and relax. Torchwood will still be hear when you get back. I can promise you that much."

"I think I will, as soon as I've recovered. I'd be lying if I said that pregnancy doesn't take its tolls on your body." Joking is the only way to make it bearable. To think that I won't ever see his face will break me if I let it.

"You're telling me!" Jack scoffed.

"What?" His stories are so ridiculous… could he be telling the truth?

"Nothing. So where are you thinking of going?"

"No idea. I think I'll just jump on the next plane that's leaving and go from there. Never been the spontaneous type, so I think it's the time to start." Jack nodded his approval. My eyes started to droop and Jack took this as his que to leave.

……

_Two weeks later- Jack's POV_

Shh, its okay, I'm here. Its okay Dilan- it's just a scratch. It will stop hurting in a minute. Please stop crying. Please. There we go. It will all be okay. You'll be going to your new parents soon, won't that be exciting? And they'll look after you and love you and give you everything that you ever wanted. You'll play in their garden on a swing and wear shorts and tee shirts and your new daddy will chase you around the garden, while you scream with joy. You'll eat spaghetti bolognaise when you're older and Gwen will miss all of this and it will break her heart, but she's doing this for you, because you will have a better life with them. You won't worry that you might never see your mummy again because she's been shot dead by an alien, actually you will think that alien's don't even exist because to you they will only be in stories. She'll think about you every day and it will kill her inside, but its only because she loves you Dilan. Mummy's are always right. But daddies aren't. Lets have a little look on the police database and see if we can find your daddy, eh?

Lets get that blood off the tissue, Dilan, and analyse the DNA, yeah? The machine makes a loud whirring noise, doesn't it? When you were still in your mummy Dilan, Owen first brought the machine and he thought he had broken it when it made that sound. Your mummy laughed at him. Oh, there we go, that was quick, wasn't it Dilan? Lets put the results into the database and see if there are any matches…

_Name- Dean Smith_

_Age- 21_

_Record- Alleged multiple rapes, no convictions. Mugging on 15/7/98, no charges pressed. Shoplifting reported on 23/2/09, sentenced to 5 months in prison. _

Well there's the answer, Dilan. Your real daddy is in prison. But he didn't want anything to do with you, he doesn't know you exist, but there are plenty more people who love you so he doesn't matter, does he Dilan? Like Aunty Tosh, and Uncle Owen, and me Dilan. I will always love you, even when you don't remember me. And mummy will love you forever and ever and ever, but you won't know who she is. And that won't matter to you Dilan. It won't matter, because you will be too busy running around the garden and eating spaghetti bolognaise with your new parents to care.

I met your new parents today Dilan. They are very nice. Your new mummy is called Jackie and she has brown hair and distinctive purple eyes. She looks a bit like your real mummy, but not much. She can't have any children of her own, you see, so she wants to adopt you, Dilan. Won't that be fun? She will take care of you very well, and give you lots of cuddles and kiss your forehead when you cry. Your new daddy is called Paul and he has ginger hair which is going grey at the sides, and is very tall and looks kind of scary, but is actually very nice. He will tell you off when you're naughty, but you will be a good boy, won't you Dilan? So he won't need to tell you off. He will teach you how to play football and rugby, and will take you to see them live, and you will shout swear words at the players and he will say 'This is the only place that you are allowed to say those words, Dilan. If I ever hear you say those outside of a stadium you will be grounded for a week.' And you will nod and say 'Yes Dad', and say them anyway with your friends. And your real mummy will think about you every day and wish that she is the one telling you off for swearing, and kissing your forehead when you fall over. But she never will. Now mummy is off on holiday, and won't ever see you again, but she has written you a letter, to read when you become an adult. So you will know about her, Dilan. And she loves you very much. Sleep well now, Dilan. Dream of friendly aliens and mummies with brown hair and purple eyes, tall daddies and spaghetti bolognaise. Goodnight, sweetheart. Sweet dreams.

……

Dear Dilan,

I don't really know what to say. Hello. Lets start with introductions. My names Gwen, and I'm your biological mother. I know you probably hate me, but please listen to what I say. I had no choice but to give you away. You weren't planned, you see. I know this sounds like the worst excuse ever, but my job meant that there was no way I could look after you. I'm on call every hour of every day, which sounds ridiculous, but it's the truth. I would never have been able to give you the secure and loving home that you needed, so I had to give you away. There was only one option. I'm so sorry, and I know that however long I make this letter it will never make up for all the missed years and conversations, but I needed you to know why I did it.

Promise me one thing Dilan. Never blame yourself for this. This was in no way your fault. I didn't give you up because I didn't want you, no one has ever been more wanted in there lives, but I had no choice. Please understand this. I am so sorry that I couldn't be there for you, but I hope your parents were there for you. They seem the most loving people that could ever walk the earth, and I'm sure they taught you right from wrong and did everything that a good parent should do. Everything that I didn't do.

I'm going to tell you two things now, Dilan, and I want you do them for me. Be the best person that you can be, and never let anyone tell you that you can't do something. You're amazing, Dilan. Make something of yourself. Change the world, be it someone's personal world, or everyone's.

I will think of you every day. I love you with all my heart, and I hope that you see that. I'm so sorry, Dilan. So sorry.

Love,

Gwen xxxxxx

……

_Five years later- Gwen's P.O.V_

And me? Well, same old, same old. I got a good tan on the four month holiday- I went to Spain- which was a plus. It faded, though. The memories have gradually faded, too. I no longer have nightmares, and I can walk down the street without seeing grabbing hands in the shadows. It took a long time, but I got there. Jack was right.

Has it had a long term effect? Yes and no, I'm in a new relationship, after four years and a half years of hating most men, I think I've found the right one. His name's Liam. Sex on legs, mmm. Oh, that's another thing. Some people think that rape is all about the sex, and victims are left unable to have a healthy sex life afterwards. But rape has nothing to do with sex. Rape is about control, and forcing someone to do something they don't want to happen. Its about power. So yes, I didn't let anyone near me in that way for a while. But, the physical marks faded, and gradually I could trust the male species again. Eventually.

My job hasn't changed either. I'm still running around saving the world, even if I am slightly slower than I used to be and have a few more stretch marks. The aliens don't see that.

So most of my life has returned to normal. The only thing that hasn't is my heart. It now belongs to Dilan, as I hope he is still called. Jackie and Paul promised they would keep his name.

He's grown up in my head. He will be 6 now. Probably a right handful, like I was at that age. I've imagined the key points in his life- first steps, teeth, words, everything. I think about him every day. I look at my watch and think 'He'll be having breakfast now', and other stupid, everyday things. A normal little boy, who is special in every way.

So yes, life goes on. But it will never be the same again.

A/N- So what do you think??? That's all, folks! Was it a good ending???


End file.
